Almost there, but not quite

October 1, 2020 § 1 Comment

Two edit meeting calls were all I was able to do today. Attending them required very little work — speak my piece and otherwise just keep quiet and wait for the call to end. My battle with anxiety and depression isn’t going well, when it comes to work. It’s now a day shy of two weeks since I stopped taking one of two medications I’d been on for nearly three years.

Without the drug, my head feels physically lighter, freer, and my mind clearer, but the day starts with crushing depression, which keeps me in bed till nearly 9 a.m. And much of the first half of the day is filled with anxiety and fear that I’m finding very tough to handle — without the drug to dull it all — and also work. So the work is taking a hit. I’m having to learn all over again to adjust to this new reality.

I’ve a plan to turn my work around, and I’ve been working on the processes I need to set in place to make it work. Will write more about it all, if I succeed. It’ll take a month to hit steady state, but it’s designed to show results earlier. In the interim, there’s an important piece to be delivered on Monday and I did no work on it today, except some cursory internet research.

It was a tough day, on a scale of good, okay, tough or bad. Mostly on account of the work I was not able to do.

 

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§ One Response to Almost there, but not quite

  • cassie says:

    It’s such a difficult thing to balance. At the beginning of the year I was on 10 antidepressants and anti anxiety meds— now my new doc wants me on one while I’m doing TMS and ketamine infusions. Waking up is so difficult when the first thing you feel is crushing depression. You’re not alone.

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