Anxiety hack — control only one thing first

September 29, 2020 § Leave a comment

When the anxiety peaks, everything crowds in on me, like it happened this morning. It’s day 11 since I  stopped taking Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) for anxiety and depression. Without the drug putting me in a gentle stupor, my head is much clearer now and I’m a lot more aware of what’s happening to me.

The flip side is that I’ve to manage the anxiety on my own, without the chemical to help. And it’s worth it for both the clarity of the mind I’m slowly reclaiming and the long-term harmful effect of the drug on my body that I’m avoiding. Of course I’m very aware that once you take a psychotropic drug like this for nearly three years that I did, a part of you is always craving to get back on it.

More of the flip side is that the once-again clearer mind feels the anxiety a lot more keenly when it hits. This can be paralysing and physically painful as muscles of the back or the chest knot up or feel sharp jabs, and the fear plays in the pit of the stomach.

Walking in the evening today, I had this thought that if I could focus my mind on one thing that I can control, and keep it there, it might help. And one of the biggest sources of anxiety is my work, where I have to continuously come up with new story ideas of worth and deliver on them against deadlines.

So I’m trying to think of what I can do to ensure that my work is under control. The basic point of course is that I have to do the work, and that means pushing through the anxiety and the fear, to actually sit down and work. I got lucky last week, when the withdrawal symptoms were very bad, that there was a bit of a lull at work. No immediate deadlines. This week I failed to deliver a feature because I emailed questions, and a bit late, as the anxiety was too much for me to handle phone interviews.

I’ve to come up with weekly and daily plans — write them down in great detail and put them in time tables, or they won’t work — and somehow find the will to actually get the work done. One day at a time.

#anxiety #depression #work

 

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