September 17, 2020 § Leave a comment

We sent my mother-in-law a birthday card by private courier two days ago. The nearest government-run post office is a cavernous place with poor ventillation and I was worried that going there would be a Covid risk. So the small courier outlet where I could stand outside and just hand in the envelope seemed like a better solution. They took 110 rupees.

However, once the envelope reached the destination, Calicut city, the local unit called my 78-year-old mum-in-law and said they wouldn’t deliver it home and she had to go collect it herself. Such horrible ingrates, making an old woman do this, forcing her to expose herself to potential Covid risk. This is how I got repaid for my anxiety about getting Covid.

My wife is livid with me. Next month is her sister’s birthday and my wife’s told me she will wear gloves and a mask and go to the post office herself and I can sit at home with my fears.

On a scale of good, okay, tough, and bad, today was an okay day. I was anxious about a story that needed to be finished and I did it in the morning itself, I thought about a second story idea that I had but just couldn’t find the motivation to even start work on it.

Today is also day 13 since I stopped the evening dose of Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) that I take for my anxiety and depression, along with a small dose of Clonazepam. The withdrawal symptoms have mostly eased except for an occasional sudden craving for the drug. Today, instead, the painful back muscle aches I used to get from stress, returned.

Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I stopped the evening dose, and on Saturday I’ll be faced with the choice of continuing with the tapering off by stopping the morning dose too, or waiting longer.

Another option I’m thinking about is to start tapering off the Clonazepam, because ultimately I want to be free of both these drugs. The logical option is probably to finish with Trinicalm first and then start on the Clonazepam.

I’m hoping tomorrow will be a good day and that I’ll be able to do some work on the second story idea that I have. It would be nice to get 500 words out on it, to make it a decent opinion piece. If I can get it done by 3 p.m. it will stand a decent chance of being published online tomorrow itself.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff

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