September 14, 2020 § Leave a comment
My friend is asking me to go hang out with him, just us guys, more or less, one Saturday night. Sounds like fun, right? But to me this is a source of intense anxiety, because I’m not ready to do this, mentally. I’m not in a safe enough place emotionally and mentally to be comfortable with the idea that my wife and son will be alone through that night.
I’m perfectly aware that this is MY fear, in my head, and one of my boundaries, currently. But my friend isn’t aware of my level of anxiety, and my wife is forcing me to go because she has recently been saying a lot that she needs some space from me.
If I go I’ll resent her for forcing me outside a boundary that I wasn’t ready to cross, and if I don’t she’ll resent me for not even being able to actually go and have a good time with my best friend for a night and give her some space.
It’s not like my friend will be able to be on his own either. This thing will be at his place so his wife and twin daughters will be there anyway. So I’d proposed that this could be a stayover for everyone including my wife and son, so the girls could hang out together as well and the kids could be with each other too. My wife is, however, still keen on just me going. I’m not. At all. Dunno what to do.
It’s day 10 since I stopped the evening dose of Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff), which I take for my anxiety and depression. The withdrawal symptoms are playing out and my head hurt all day today. I still take the morning dose and the plan is for a really slow tapering off, this time. I’m on a small dose of Clonazepam as well, morning and evening and I’m not doing anything with that for now.
#anxiety #depression #boundaries