The day after the picnic

September 7, 2020 § Leave a comment

I missed my therapy session yesterday because we went out for the picnic. A bit sad to have missed one good thing for another. We actually got back in the afternoon just in time for me to check with the therapist if she was free for me to call, and I did send her a message. She didn’t immediately see the message, she replied back latter. So that was that.

One of the things about cover stories is that they come with a lot of peripheral work. One such piece of work is an accompanying podcast featuring a discussion with the writer of the cover story. This time, that means me since I wrote the latest cover story for the magazine I work for. So the podcast producer is going to do a sort of an interview of me about the story tomorrow. This used to be fairly common for me because there was a time when I used to write quite a few cover stories — the days before my anxiety and depression.

I’m not feeling particularly anxious about tomorrow’s podcast interview, which is probably a good thing. But the anxiety about what I’ll write for the next issue is slowly building up. I’ve tentatively pitched something, and I hope it will turn out to become a decent story.

It’s day 3 of having stopped Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) in the evening. This must be my third attempt to taper off this drug. The first half of it usually goes well, because my brain is still getting some of the chemical from the morning dose. It’s only when I stop it completely that the withdrawal symptoms get really tough to handle and getting through each day without the drug is harder. The longest I’ve managed is a week.

This time I’m being careful to  take two full weeks before attempting to stop the morning dose as well. Let me see. My therapist says I shouldn’t be so hard on myself and that I should just stick with the medication until the Covid situation eases, for instance. But the thing is that Trinicalm makes me tired and less clear-headed at work. I’m still on Clonazepam also, and I want to try and cope with just that and eventually taper off that as well.

I whistled one more song this evening to upload on instagram. This one didn’t come out very well, but I went ahead and posted it. It’s an old Hindi song like most of the others I’ve posted. I like the oldies. They have real music in them rather than a lot of tech. Very very few people actually see these videos of mine, but that’s okay for now. I do this because I like whistling good songs and posting them. If I get to a point where the lack of viewership starts to bother me, then I’ll probably just stop. For now, so long as I enjoy the process of making and posting these videos, I’ll keep going.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff #podcast

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