After the rain has stopped

August 19, 2020 § Leave a comment

There is this song that I want to whistle next. It starts as ‘Male ninthu hoda mele’ (After the rain has stopped). It’s from a movie called ‘Milana’ (union), in my native tongue of Kannada. The film was released to critical acclaim and commercial success back in 2007. The song has a haunting melody and poignant lyrics. The lyricist is Jayanth Kaikini, a well-known Kannada poet and writer.

It is the vehicle for the message that the heroine, played by Parvathy Thiruvothu, has had a change of heart and has fallen in love with the hero, played by Puneeth Rajkumar. But of course there must be drama, and the song comes at a time when the two are playing newlyweds with the wife seeking a divorce. That she is unable to express her new feelings to him is what the song conveys, and makes way for the denouement of the movie.

However, true to the movie’s title, the film ends in a happy (re)union after more emotional drama that the audience in 2007-08 must have enjoyed, given that the cinema ran for over a year in some theatres.

In real life, such change of heart, is probably rare. At least that’s my limited experience. In real life, people often tend to hold on to their pride and prejudice, leading to all-round misery. Much of this even, sometimes, comes down to just that mundane thing that we call habit. We habitually react in set ways that can irritate or even hurt a loved one.

It’s very hard for people to see the intent behind a gesture or a decision. Often, in cases like me — with my anxiety and depression, and before that, three decades of repressed feelings of all sorts — those gestures and decisions can also send things awry. And they did, in my life. The road to where I am today is potholed with the repurcussions of bad decisions and impulsive ones that hurt the ones I loved the most — my family.

Today, I’m much more aware of who I am and what I want, but at the price of having been a poor husband and inadequate parent for a long time. In real life, we don’t often get the chance to right the wrongs we’ve made. We’re forced to watch in mute frustration and humiliation, the consequences of our bad decisions playing out. That’s probably why Oscar Wilde called experience simply the name we give our mistakes.

#anxiety #anxietyanddepression #depression #cinema #movies #films #music

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