Anxiety hack — cutting veggies and cooking

August 13, 2020 § Leave a comment

Woke up at 8:30 a.m. to go to the bathroom and then crawled right back into bed for another 15 minutes until my son’s online class notification pinged on my phone. I’d been awake from about 7:30 a.m. From then on until getting out of bed and through much of the morning, I felt this deep fear inside. Rivotril (Clonazepam), which I’m still taking a small dose of every morning and evening, helped a bit, I think, eventually and I also distracted myself cutting veggies for lunch. I was finally able to get some work done between 12 noon and 1 p.m. Found myself slightly ahead of what I’d allocated for the day — based realistically on how much work I’m actually able to get done each day — and celebrated with a mug of tea. Had lunch at 2 p.m.

Much of the fear was a combination of both the withdrawal symptom from no longer taking Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) and the anxiety it helped curb. Today morning’s unease was just unbearable, though, starting from the need to crawl back into bed. Made me think about going back on the drug. Classic case of being addicted to it, perhaps.

I also noticed that when I’m off of it, I get depressed more easily and my ruminations tend to make me more depressed as well. I can’t talk to my wife about any of this. She is already very angry with me about how wrapped up I am in myself and how my anxiety and depression must be affecting our son.

But, I have felt the feeling of getting better. I’ve felt the interest return, in wanting to connect with people and really know what’s happening in their lives — especially my close friends, my sister and some others. There are times when work doesn’t feel so daunting either. I need time.

I made a tiny innovation today to beat the daily post-lunch compulsive need to doze off sitting in bed. Instead of going into the bedroom, I got back in the kitchen and made dinner ready. So between 2:30 p.m. and 3:45 p.m., I was cooking, instead of dozing. It also did away with the small amount of anxiety I would always feel, waiting for evening when it would be my turn to cook. Think I’ll continue with this new routine. Let’s call it an anxiety hack or rather an anxiety-beating hack.

What’s a bit funny though is, between 4 p.m. and 5 p.m. I couldn’t get myself to work, and I again dozed off. But I got up at 5 p.m. had tea, and started on my 90 minute walk and completed it as well. Happy about that.

#anxiety #depression #anxietyanddepression #anxietyhack


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