A twinge on a walk

August 12, 2020 § Leave a comment

The biryani I’d ordered for lunch was too spicy and hot. It upset my stomach and by evening gave me a bad heartburn. Later when I was on my walk — the same back and forth in the living room for 90 minutes — I even felt something like a small electrical shock radiate across the centre of the chest and spreading across the left pectoral. I was pretty clear it wasn’t anything to do with my heart, but a combination of the heartburn and the extra anxious day I had today worrying too much about what we’d do if they opened schools in September. And about the next two weeks of work which are looking like they will be really tough. And then of course, I’ve spent the last two and a half years worrying about my heart even though the doctors have said it’s healthy. And I’m in the early stages of trying to get completely off of a psychiatric drug as well. I drank a litre of water and finished my walk with no further problems.

My wife read out some news report according to which the central government has decided that schools are to remain closed until December. That cheered me up a bit. I’m hoping by then the Covid vaccine will be available. I’d be happy if an effective vaccine became available and schools skipped this academic year and reopened only next year. They could stick to online classes and just promote all children next year, especially those not in class 10 or 12.

A colleague sent round a list of allocations for some interviews we need to do for an issue that we close in September. We are only to write 500 word pieces from the interviews, but small things like this amp up my anxiety. I decided to postpone looking at the mail as the deadline is Aug. 31.

I’ve to interview the CEO, the COO and the head of HR of a large IT company for a feature. This will likely be next week. The PR people are working on the dates. I used to do this sort of thing routinely, in my Bloomberg days, or even during my first two and a half years in my current job, before the whole anxiety and depression problem hit me. Now, the next two weeks will be spent in greater anxiety, until those interviews are done, and they the stress of having to transcribe them will kick in. If I have to keep my job, this are the sorts of interviews and stories I will have to get more of. Big companies, big CEO interviews and so on.

I can’t quit and freelance. We need the money. Still, I fantasise about working at my own pace, or learning English literature and teaching in a school or college. I’ve made a start by signing up for a small introductory course on Udemy. One day.

#anxiety #depression #workpressure #healthanxiety #heart

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