Six minute jog, for my heart

August 7, 2020 § Leave a comment

I jogged for six minutes back and forth in my living room this morning. It might look like a pathetic effort, but it helps reassure me that my heart is fine. Doctors have already told me this — after running a bunch of tests — that my heart is healthy, no blocks and all that. In fact in December I was in Wellington in the Nilgiris (Not New Zealand) at my wife’s aunt’s place and her daughter, a doctor, had told me one evening there after a rigorous hour of football ‘you wouldn’t have been able to play football like you did today if  there was something wrong with your heart’.

Still, because of all the anxiety driven palpitations, skipping of heart beats and so on have left a deep seated fear in me that something will happen to my heart or that something is wrong with it. And people say the more one fears such things, the more the subconscious works towards it.

Walking helped stop the palpitations and the skipping of the hearbeat. Now the plan is to jog and then run to physically strengthen the heart as well as reassure myself that all’s well. Just so that I can tell myself constantly that ‘you wouldn’t have been able to run like that if there was something wrong with your heart’.

The situation is exacerbated by the meds, because trying to taper them off can also bring back the palpitations and the latest scare happened a couple of nights back when I felt the skips for just 2-3 seconds or so. It happened because I had gotten into one of those black ruminations about something going wrong with my heart and I’m still sensitive enough to feel a physical response triggered by the thoughts.

And when an incident like that happens it sets me back big time, bringing on the depression in full force and getting back to making progress is a hard uphill task. The fear is paralysing and the sofa chair is so inviting, so I can doze away the fear the whole day. It’s a horrible negative feedback. The more I allow the fear to paralyse me the more I stay in the same state, or get worse.

Therefore the jogging, and I hope to make as regular as my walks in the evening. Thing is I was actually going out in the morning and jogging outside for at least 20 minutes, but as the Covid cases mounted in the city, I got more worried and stopped going out. And the running stopped too. Today I started again, and desperately want to not stop this time, even if I have to run back and forth in the living room and only for 5-6 minutes to start with and incrementally increase it.

I want to properly get back to strength training too, including lifting weights, which I love, but haven’t done consistently for a long time.

#jogging #running #exercise #heart #healthyheart #anxiety #anxietyanddepression #depression

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