Tapering off

July 21, 2020 § Leave a comment

I’m attempting to taper off my anxiety and depression meds. I’ve started with Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) and have stopped the quarter pill I used to take in the evening. The morning dose is still on. It’s been three days and so far so good. The long term plan is to completely get off the meds and rely on walking, running if possible, meditation and pranayama, and yoga if possible.

I’ve been walking as much as 90 minutes everyday and a minimum of one hour in our living room, every evening. The skipped heart beats have almost completely stopped. There was only one instance in the last month or so. I still feel the anxiety — in my case, an intense ever-present fear that pyschologists connect with un-addressed trauma in the past. The depression is there too although I’m just about functional enough to get through the working day each day, one day at a time.

In about 10 days comes Rivotril (Clonazepam) and I’ll start by reducing the evening dose from half a pill to a quarter. I have to be patient and do this right. For the fear will rise, that the skipped beats will come back due to hightened anxiety as I get off the meds. But the plan is that, instead of deadening my senses, if I allow myself to feel everything and get through it, I’ll teach myself to heal.

I am lucky enough to have friends to talk to about all this. And a therapist, although since the first Covid lockdown in March, I haven’t seen her. And somehow, I’ve not found the will to talk to her on the phone. Perhaps its time to do so.

Yesterday, I helped my son to upload a video onto his Youtube channel, and the day before that we played carrom. I need to find a way to and find it in myself to get back to engaging him and figure out what’s happening to him as he is stuck with us round the clock, with the phone and the computer being the only way of connecting with his friends — no real physical and social contact.

Even with just a little bit less of the meds, my head feels clearer. Now if I can beat the fear about my heart as I taper off the drugs — docs have already given it a clean bill of health, and it’s all about the anxiety — I might live a better life.

#anxiety #depression #anxietyanddepression #taperingoff

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