March 7, 2020 § Leave a comment
Went to the launch of a podcast called City of Women today. One of the Co-hosts of the podcast is a good friend and she had invited us.
It promises to be at least a 10-episode series on how women circumnavigate societal norms to be themselves.￼￼ In Bangalore.
March 4, 2020 § Leave a comment
Today was a tough day, even though I ran in the morning. Felt tired and drowsy throughout and didn’t get any work done.
Days like this, I feel like I’m waiting for the hammer to fall. Or for everything to be taken away from me.
I have no pension so I’ve to save as much as I can for the rest of my working life. But on days like today the prospect of not making it terrorises me.
March 3, 2020 § Leave a comment
About three or four weeks back, my wife showed me a BBC piece on Lata Khare, a woman in her late sixties who ran distance races to make money because she was poor and needed money, among other things, for an MRI for her husband. The lady’s story changed something in me. While I was watching the video, I kept thinking I want to cry and if I could cry now, all my angst will pour out and I’ll be free of it.
I couldn’t cry. But Khare’s tale has remained with me and continues to inspire me. That day, sometime in the evening, for about 45 min, I experienced a feeling that felt like my depression had completely lifted. I felt like my old self for the first time in two years. Then it was gone, but still, it helped.
Starting in January, I’d tried to get back to running and managed roughly every other day. Khare’s story added some inspiration. Today was a particularly hard effort to shake off my laziness / low and go run. But I did it, and plodded my way through it — all of 2.3 miles. That’s it. I’m no great marathoner.
But I’ve given myself the modest target of adding a mile every month, for the rest of this year. So if I actually pull it off, I’ll be pretty close to a half marathon through December.
It’s Lent for my christian friends and fasting is probably on some people’s minds. Fasting is something I believe in strongly as well. Even though it was an attempt at intermittent fasting gone terribly wrong that caused my first panic attacks, palpitations and so on.
This time round I’ve started in a very modest way — eating nothing between lunch and dinner. So, basically cutting out snacks, junk etc, and I reward myself with two cups of tea with sugar and all, at tea time. It is helping. I don’t know what the connection is, but heart palpitations I used to get at 4 a.m. like clockwork, went away after I started this fasting routine.