Mere dependence, but no help

September 26, 2020 § Leave a comment

It’s day eight since I stopped taking Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) for my anxiety and depression. Woke up at nine with the familiar feeling of dread. The craving for drug is still very bad.

Without the drug my heart beats a tad faster after breakfast especially. Settles down in a bit.

The craving is bad but one thing I realised today was that it was not like the drug was helping me. I wasn’t feeling particularly better after taking it. It’s just that my body has become dependent on it after three years of taking it.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff

Tapering off — a better day

September 25, 2020 § Leave a comment

It was a better day today, even though it started with an argument. It’s day seven since I stopped taking Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) and I’m going through the days of the worst of the withdrawal symptoms right now. Each day is a little better, but there’s some days to go.

Was able to do some work as well, although it was just a press release I filed to start with. The boss wanted, fairly, something beyond the press release. I refiled with a simple analysis, which was published.

I’ve managed to get to Friday this week without getting back on the drug. Didn’t really expect to. The fourth day since I stopped last Saturday, this Tuesday, was the worst. Well I’ve been on this drug for nearly three years, so I guess a difficult tapering off process is to be expected.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff

Tapering off — critical week

September 24, 2020 § Leave a comment

Day six since I stopped Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff). The withdrawal symptoms are taking their time reducing. Had my first heart beat skip today since I stopped taking the drug for anxiety and depression.

I slept a bit past even the notification for our son’s first morning online class today. Got up just in time. Did ten pushups, two better than the last three days. Had my first mug of coffee. Then two dosas (like pancakes) for which my wife had made the batter. Dosas are particularly common in south India. Chased the  two dosas down with another mug of coffee. That’s about all the coffee I drink in a day.

Was able to work till lunch but nothing came out of it. No good story ideas, and nothing in hand for the current issue of the magazine I write for. Post lunch was a washout too, as I just couldn’t work. Sat up in bed, propped up against pillows, leaning back, with my eyes closed. Almost dozed off, but not quite. For two hours.

Got off the bed to make a masala base for some instant noodles I was planning to cook for dinner, which is our usual Thursday night dinner. Added some left over bhaji (a spicy vegetable curry with onions and tomatoes as the base) from yesterday into the noodles as well.

Didn’t miss my evening walking in the living room for 90 minutes. I’ve incorporated 30 minutes of the figure of eight walking right into it. Did a five minute yoga routine as well, following the walking.

We all enjoyed the noodles. Was washing up, when my heart skipped a beat. It always scares me quite a bit, and I take time to get back on even keel, even though I know that it’s a withdrawal symptom and nothing more. If I get through the week I’m hoping it will be easier dealing with the withdrawal symptoms in the days that follow. If I get to the two week mark, from then on, I should be okay. This week is the critical period though, when the craving to get back on the drug is terrible.

The fourth day was the absolute worst. From the fifth day onwards, each day has been a bit better than the previous one, but that’s only relative, whereas the overall discomfort from not taking the drug has been horrible and the craving is bad. But I need to get off of this drug.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff

One day at a time

September 23, 2020 § Leave a comment

Day five today after I completely stopped Trinicalm Plus (Trifluoperazine and some other stuff) and it was almost as bad as yesterday. Stayed in bed till 8:45 a.m. feeling scared and anxious, but got up in time for our son’s first online class in the morning. He doesn’t really need any help from me — just the Google Meeting link that his teachers send to our phones.

Got a wee bit of work done today, versus nothing yesterday. Managed to send a couple of emails with some questions to a company I track and an analyst for comments on the company — for a small piece I’m working on.

The craving to get back on the drug is very bad. If I get to the end of this week without going back on it, I’ll improve my chances of staying off of it. Getting there. One day at a time.

#anxiety #depression #taperingoff

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